I'd like some advice.
Hey guys, I could use some help.
Typically I generally handle things on my own, but lately, I've just been having the worst time of my life. I know that's a pretty bold statement... but I think it's actually true. I can't concentrate, barely want to get our of bed, having problems doing anything, feel stuck in mud all day long, and the worst part is that I can't enjoy myself right now. I can barely get through a work out unless I'm completely distracted. I feel like I want to cry most of the time, but it just doesn't happen.
So, in Early October I broke up with my gf. We'd been dating for a couple years, and we were very serious, but shit just piled up too high, to the point where I didn't feel safe with her anymore, and just wanted out.
Basically what happened was she bought a 45k car (half down and half thru payments) without really talking with me about it, we did talk about it, and I told her to wait until we closed out our business and figured out exactly where we stood financially. One day she told me she was going with her parents the next day to get it. Since, this is the girl I was planning on marrying, I wasn't too thrilled.
A week later or so, she went thru the txts on my phone, my email accounts, my facebook, my comp trying to fins pics of girls. She's found my gear stash, and one day when I finally told her about it, she told me she'd known for months.
At that point... I was gone. I mean, that's not everything, there's a pile of other shit that happens in a relationship that pisses you off, but these were things that were big for me.
So I bailed out, and almost immediately met another girl, and I waited a while until things felt right, then I asked my ex, if she was ok with me dating. She said yes, and for a month or so I was dating a great girl.
Of course, we'd both just gotten out of relationships, and nothing was feeling or going right, and I wasn't being myself, and basically acting retarded. So we broke up a month later... and at one point, I'd even cheated on her with my ex.
We planned to still run the business together for one more year as it's at a point where I was finally making the money I've been trying to make for years. Our only condition was to not date anyone from within the company to keep professional, and limit bullshit.
So, me and my original gf slowly started getting back together, spending time together. I wasn't comitting to anything as I wanted to see some changes before I was comfortable being together for real. She came over and had x-mas dinner with my family, and we had a new years eve dinner together before going out with our friends to different places.
At this point, and the entire time she's telling me she loves me and wants me back, etc etc.
So shortly after that our work sent her on a trip for doing a certain sales volume. I don't get to go as my name isn't on the contract, which I don't really care about, and don't even have a passport.
she asks me to pick her up at the airport, and we start talking about the trip, we're laying in bed and she says a few funny things, so I ask if she did anything I'm going to be upset about.
Turns out she slept with a guy from the company.
Of Course, I'm completely flipping the **** out. At this point I completely understand murder suicides where a guy kills his wife then himself, and I wind up spitting in her face.
Over the next few days it comes out that she actually stayed an extra 2 days after the trip with this guy and she's been planning it for more than a month. So it wasn't just a weak drunken moment, the entire time she was telling me she loved me she was planning this shit.
As soon as we could we went to a couples counsellor we saw in the summer when work was driving us insane. After working through it, she said she did it to get even for breaking up with her.
Which is ****ed... but I believe it. Still completely ****ed.
So we made the agreement to not be with anyone else while we try to work it out.
One night, about a month ago, we were talking about finances, and I didn't realize how much money I'd spent... then I realized if I'd spent that much, she was definately broke, and if she was broke and still spending money, it was mine. Once again, I was pretty pissed off. At the time, I didn't really care that much, if she would have just asked I would have gladly told her to go right ahead, but she lied again.
Then probably 2 weeks ago, she went to use her bank card and it wasn't working. She went to the bank and our accounts were seized from her not paying her GST from the 2 years previously in her bizz when I wasn't a partner. So frig... kinda scarey as all my money is in that bank account, but what I personally have in there should be able to cover it and she can pay me back at the end of the year.
Turns out, the account is almost empty, when I should have a shit ton of money in there. So basically, all my money was gone, and now it's seized by the gov't.
The account is in her name, everything is basically in her name. Please try not to focus on that... I know it was stupid, but it's one of those things where I was never worried about her bolting with my money. She comes from a wealthy family, and I know I never really have a worry there.
So, she stole all my money, and whatever she didn't spend is gone. So, I'm broke when I should be for one of the first times in my life financially stable.
Her family and me want her to keep the car, cause it was such a big thing for her. They're going to put the money up for the gst, and she can pay me back at the end of this year for what she took from me.
It's just... ****...
The whole thing is ****ed, she's ****ed, and I don't really know what to do, except I do know what to do...
She is now seeing a therapist once a week, which I demanded or I was gone. She's promising change, and I want to be there for her in a really tough time, and part because I need to make sure that I make all my money back and then profit from this year.
I see a therapist once a week or so... which I do for a few reasons: I want to continue on in business and the only way to develop yourself is to know yourself and work thru your shit. It's good and I feel I owe it customers and employees to not be a head case and be able to treat them all fairly. Also, one day I want to have children, and I owe it to them to be able to raise them to become functioning human beings and not have to deal with the shit my parents have done to me. (which could be a whole other post, but hey, we all have it).
So basically, what I want to do know, is to be there for her and give her the chance to change, and support her while she grows into an adult, she's only 21 right now.
It's just, I don't have anyone supporting me, what friends I've shared this with think I'm a ****ing idiot and should cut her head off. But honestly, there head cases themselves and need therapy way more than me and my gf... Still, I'm a mess and unless I'm distracted I can barely handle what's going on in my life right now.
I'd really like it if people could chime in and let me know what they think, opinions, just about anything really. I know it's been a long read... but I wanted to put it out there and let the chips fall.
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